Looking after partners' and dads' mental health

When a baby comes, the attention — rightly — goes to the birthing parent and the baby. But partners and dads go through an enormous transition too, and their mental health matters and can struggle. It’s worth naming, because it so often goes unspoken.

Around 1 in 10 dads and partners experience depression or anxiety in the perinatal period, and many more feel overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted or disconnected without ever putting a name to it. The pressures are real: worry about the birth and the baby, money stress, broken sleep, a changed relationship, and often a sense that they “have to be the strong one” and can’t admit they’re struggling.

Signs to watch for, in yourself or your partner: persistent irritability or anger, withdrawing, working or drinking more to cope, low mood or anxiety, feeling left out or useless, or trouble bonding with the baby. As with anyone, if it lasts beyond a couple of weeks or feels heavy, it’s worth acting on.

A few things genuinely help: get hands-on with the baby (it builds both confidence and connection), protect some sleep where you can by tag-teaming, stay connected to mates and your own interests in small ways, and — crucially — talk, rather than bottling it up. Supporting your partner’s wellbeing and looking after your own aren’t in competition; you both do better when both of you are okay.

It can help to name what specifically weighs on partners, because it so often goes unspoken. Many feel a heavy sense of responsibility — to provide, to protect, to hold everyone together — alongside feeling sidelined or helpless, especially around the birth and the early feeding weeks when there’s less they can directly do. Add broken sleep, less time as a couple, and a big identity shift, and it’s a lot to carry quietly. Look after yourself the way you’d tell a mate to: keep some routine, get outside and move, protect what sleep you can, and stay connected rather than disappearing into work. Go easy on alcohol as a way to cope — it’s an easy crutch that tends to make low mood and anxiety worse. And talk: to your partner, a friend, your GP. Asking for help isn’t weakness; it’s how you stay the steady presence your family needs.

If you’re the birthing parent reading this, keep an eye on your partner too, and make it safe for them to admit they’re not coping. A simple “how are you doing, really?” can open a door.

Help is there for partners and dads specifically — PANDA (1300 726 306) supports the whole family, not just mums, and Beyond Blue is available 24/7. If things ever feel unbearable, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000 in an emergency. Strong parents ask for help.