For your partner: how to support her

If you’re the partner reading this — welcome, and thank you for showing up. Pregnancy is a team effort, and the support you offer makes a real, measurable difference to how she feels through it. You don’t need all the answers; being present and willing is most of the job.

A lot of support is wonderfully practical. Take on more of the cooking, cleaning and errands, especially in the exhausted, queasy early weeks and the heavy final ones. Come along to antenatal appointments and the scans when you can — they’re a big deal, and it helps to hear things together. Learn the warning signs worth acting on (severe headache, vision changes, heavy bleeding, a noticeable drop in baby’s movements) so you can stay calm and help get advice if something comes up.

Just as much of it is emotional, and this is where partners sometimes feel unsure. You don’t have to fix anything — mostly she needs you to listen. Ask how she’s really doing, and be patient with the mood swings, the tears and the days she doesn’t feel like herself; hormones and exhaustion are doing a lot of that. Small gestures land hard: a cup of tea, a foot rub, telling her she’s doing an amazing job. Around 1 in 5 women experience anxiety or low mood in pregnancy, so if she seems persistently flat, anxious or not herself, gently encourage her to talk to her GP or midwife.

As birth approaches, get involved in the preparation. Do an antenatal class together, help pack the hospital bag, and read her birth plan so you understand her wishes — on the day, your job is often to be her advocate and steady presence when she can’t speak for herself. Knowing what she wants for pain relief and those first moments means you can help make it happen.

Don’t forget your own head in all of this. Becoming a parent is a huge shift for you too, and around 1 in 10 dads and partners experience depression or anxiety in the perinatal period — often quietly, because they feel they have to be “the strong one”. Stay connected to your mates and your own interests, and talk about it rather than bottling it up. PANDA (1300 726 306) supports the whole family, partners included, not just mums.

On the day itself, your role is bigger than you might think. You’re there to be a calm, steady presence — offering water and snacks, helping her change position, rubbing her back, keeping the room the way she wants it, and speaking up for her birth preferences when she’s deep in concentration. You don’t need medical knowledge; you need to stay grounded, even when it’s intense to watch. And in the newborn weeks that follow, be the one who takes the night nappy changes, screens the visitors, keeps the household running and makes sure she eats — those early weeks are a team sport, and your steadiness matters as much as ever.

And through all the logistics, don’t lose the joy. Feel the kicks, talk and sing to the bump (your baby can hear you from around the middle of pregnancy), come up with silly name shortlists, and let yourselves picture the three of you. The months go fast, in their own slow way — being a calm, kind, hands-on presence now is the best possible start, for her and for the partnership you’ll lean on once the baby arrives.