Settling a crying baby

All babies cry — it’s their only way to tell you something, and in the early months it can feel relentless. Crying tends to build over the first weeks, often peaking around six to eight weeks (frequently in the late afternoon and evening), then gradually easing. Knowing that curve is normal helps it feel less like something is wrong.

Start by running through the usual suspects: hunger, a wet or dirty nappy, too hot or cold, tiredness, wind, or simply wanting to be close to you. Often it’s that last one — newborns are soothed by the very things they had in the womb.

A handful of soothing tricks work for many babies: a firm, snug wrap; holding them close, skin-to-skin if you can; gentle, rhythmic movement (rocking, a walk, a pram or a sling); quiet shushing or white noise; a feed; or a dummy if you choose to use one. Try one thing at a time and give it a few minutes before switching.

You can’t “spoil” a newborn by responding to them. Picking up a crying baby teaches them the world is safe — not that they’ve “won”. Responding consistently in these early months builds security, not bad habits.

Some crying, though, won’t settle no matter what you do, and that’s one of the hardest parts of new parenthood. If you feel yourself becoming frustrated or overwhelmed, it is always safe to put your baby down in their cot and step away for a few minutes to breathe. Never, ever shake a baby — it can cause serious, permanent harm. Call your partner, a friend, your child health nurse, or the Pregnancy, Birth and Baby line (1800 882 436); reaching out is strength, not failure.

Sometimes a baby cries for long stretches in the evening for no clear reason, even though they’re fed, dry and well — this is often called colic, or “PURPLE crying”. It’s exhausting, but it’s a normal phase that peaks around six to eight weeks and then fades, and it isn’t caused by anything you’re doing wrong. Bringing up wind helps some babies: hold them upright against your shoulder, or sit them forward supporting their chin, and gently pat or rub their back after feeds. If the crying seems tied to feeds, with a lot of posseting, arching or obvious discomfort, mention it to your child health nurse or GP, who can check for reflux or other causes — but for most babies, the witching-hour fussing is simply something you ride out together.

If your baby’s cry sounds different from usual, they’re inconsolable for a long time, or they seem unwell, trust your instincts and get them checked. And remember — the crying phase passes. It really does, even when you’re deep in it at 5pm with a screaming newborn.